This post is dedicated to newish moms-the crazy amazing moms...and the rest of us ;)

The other day I clicked on a friend's blog and then on one of her friend's blogs and found myself spending an hour reading moms talking about the clothes they made for their children, or the cloth diapers/wipes they just purchased for their newborn, or ridding their house of all plastic, or raising their children on a vegan diet from their GARDEN... oh and of course their children just "love" anything green and homemade sugar-free, whole wheat, flax....cookies!!! Stay-at-home mom after stay-at-home mom was productive, creative, energetic, environmentally conscious, and of course running marathons...and you know, they'll mention that they have hard days, but post after post focussed on anything but hard days. It was like these women were from a fairy tale....a magical dream world for moms where they never get stressed out and their kids love to chase butterflies in their homemade sun dresses and bare feet in the beautiful flower gardens they've cultivated. And the pictures on these blogs don't help. On top of everything else these moms are professional photographers and so everything that, in my world, is mundane...like cooked rice... suddenly becomes so gourmet...like something you'd see in a magazine.

As I slowly closed my computer and looked at my daughter drinking juice watching Sesame Street, my son guzzling formula from his plastic bottle wearing his disposible diapers, and realizing I had no plans for a Vegan meal that night, suddenly a feeling of dismay overwhelmed me. I'M A HORRIBLE MOM!!!

Now, let me just say that I have NOTHING against moms who do all of the above. Quite the contrary... I wish I could BE those moms. I have so much respect and admiration for moms who are environmentally and economically savvy...who feed their children the very best the supermarket (or their garden) can offer. My close friend is one such mother! But man, comparing myself to all these moms just really made me feel like a failure--and I know we're not supposed to compare ourselves to others but MAN its hard not to!!! I mean what am I even doing with my time??? I feel busy, but for goodness-sakes...I certainly haven't "produced" a new dress for Ari to wear at the end of my busy day--unless I buy it from Target ;) So as you can imagine, overwhelming emotions spiraled downward pretty quickly. Ari asked for more juice and I said a little more impatiently than normal "no". Cabe started crying and I stuck a bottle in his mouth instead of rocking him, and Deep brought me to tears with the innocent question "what's for dinner?" And by the end of the night I felt worse about the way I treated my family then about Caleb's disposable diapers.

....uuuuuuhhhhhh....

The Lord is so good, though, in coming to me in those moments when I just feel so down about myself. During times of self-pity or self-loathing--whichever emotion comes first-- He is faithful to remind me of my worth that comes from Him. When I think about my "purpose" or what I want to have accomplished at the end of my life, a picture often comes back to my mind. The picture is of a house all lit-up (kind of like the houses you see in Thomas Kinkade paintings) surrounded by many dark, life-less houses.  The brightly lit home represents a wife who loves, supports, and respects her husband and a mother who raises her children to know, love, and fear the Lord. The other houses represent a wife who has sought her own gain, having affairs with the world and all it has to offer (approval of man, worshiping her own body, money etc), and in the process has raised her children to see this world as much more appealing than the god she claims to know. This picture came to my mind after I watched several women (over the course of a couple years) get caught up in "Christian work" or in their careers and, even though it seemed they were doing everything right on the outside (one homeschooling, another with kids in Christian school, all in church every Sunday), internally there was serious damage and disconnect ending in broken families. God, although represented by name, no longer dwelt in their houses. And their houses became dark. When the Lord "looks down" at families He has joined together for HIS glory in these last days, I pray He will find light shining through every window of my house.

Proverbs 14:1 says "A wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands." And how do we get wisdom to build this house of ours??? Fear the Lord!!! (Job 28:28 and Psalm 111:10) Although I see many of us, myself included, run straight for the "How to Mommy" books or even great sermons (which are not bad in themselves..but a poor substitute). I'm not sure I have quite grasped the concept of fearing the Lord...especially coupled with trying to understand His "daddy-like" love. But thankfully He invites me to pray for understanding and the Holy Spirit "helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words" (Rom 8:26). I have such limited experience as a wife and mom...I'll be the first to admit that...but what I DO have is the Word of God which doesn't disappoint and gives me hope that even through my sinful flesh God can use me to honor Him with my life... (even if I never sew my children's' clothes or run a marathon ;)

So, tying all this together, I can learn SO much from other moms. I want to continue learning new ideas on how to be a good steward of our money, my children's (and husband's) health, my time etc... God HAS given me gifts and abilities and I want to use them to bless others. However, I think the other night I was feeling like THAT was the main thing. How silly...and yet how real and all-consuming at the time. And I felt the Lord used that to remind me that if at the end of the day all I've done is DEPEND ON HIM--to talk gently to Ari when she is disobedient, or to forgive Sandeep quickly after he has (in my opinion) wronged me, or to pray against that critical, judgmental thought I had toward a friend, or to watch the things I put in my mouth (or the words that come out ;), or to seek rest in Him when I'm alone and scared at night--THAT'S ENOUGH!!! I've pleased my Heavenly Father and demonstrated Him to my family. That's enough....

...and of course, if I find time in there to work on my garden or make green smoothies for my family (and take "professional" pictures of it, of course ;) awesome!!! I'll have moments of self-doubt or hopelessness in the future...but because God uses all these things for my good, hopefully I'll be stronger to resist the urge to compare myself with others next time I'm tempted. One of the verses I want to not only memorize this year but want to also "conquer" you might say... is Galatians 5:24, 25.

"Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit. Let us not become boastful, challenging one another, envying one another".

hahahahaha I'm sure you'll be reading more about this verse in a future post...at some point.  ;)

...and a special note to all the crazy amazing moms out there who took the time to read this...I really do get inspired and pushed by you--so keep the creativity (and pictures) coming!! thanks!!!