This post is dedicated to newish moms-the crazy amazing moms...and the rest of us ;)

The other day I clicked on a friend's blog and then on one of her friend's blogs and found myself spending an hour reading moms talking about the clothes they made for their children, or the cloth diapers/wipes they just purchased for their newborn, or ridding their house of all plastic, or raising their children on a vegan diet from their GARDEN... oh and of course their children just "love" anything green and homemade sugar-free, whole wheat, flax....cookies!!! Stay-at-home mom after stay-at-home mom was productive, creative, energetic, environmentally conscious, and of course running marathons...and you know, they'll mention that they have hard days, but post after post focussed on anything but hard days. It was like these women were from a fairy tale....a magical dream world for moms where they never get stressed out and their kids love to chase butterflies in their homemade sun dresses and bare feet in the beautiful flower gardens they've cultivated. And the pictures on these blogs don't help. On top of everything else these moms are professional photographers and so everything that, in my world, is mundane...like cooked rice... suddenly becomes so gourmet...like something you'd see in a magazine.

As I slowly closed my computer and looked at my daughter drinking juice watching Sesame Street, my son guzzling formula from his plastic bottle wearing his disposible diapers, and realizing I had no plans for a Vegan meal that night, suddenly a feeling of dismay overwhelmed me. I'M A HORRIBLE MOM!!!

Now, let me just say that I have NOTHING against moms who do all of the above. Quite the contrary... I wish I could BE those moms. I have so much respect and admiration for moms who are environmentally and economically savvy...who feed their children the very best the supermarket (or their garden) can offer. My close friend is one such mother! But man, comparing myself to all these moms just really made me feel like a failure--and I know we're not supposed to compare ourselves to others but MAN its hard not to!!! I mean what am I even doing with my time??? I feel busy, but for goodness-sakes...I certainly haven't "produced" a new dress for Ari to wear at the end of my busy day--unless I buy it from Target ;) So as you can imagine, overwhelming emotions spiraled downward pretty quickly. Ari asked for more juice and I said a little more impatiently than normal "no". Cabe started crying and I stuck a bottle in his mouth instead of rocking him, and Deep brought me to tears with the innocent question "what's for dinner?" And by the end of the night I felt worse about the way I treated my family then about Caleb's disposable diapers.

....uuuuuuhhhhhh....

The Lord is so good, though, in coming to me in those moments when I just feel so down about myself. During times of self-pity or self-loathing--whichever emotion comes first-- He is faithful to remind me of my worth that comes from Him. When I think about my "purpose" or what I want to have accomplished at the end of my life, a picture often comes back to my mind. The picture is of a house all lit-up (kind of like the houses you see in Thomas Kinkade paintings) surrounded by many dark, life-less houses.  The brightly lit home represents a wife who loves, supports, and respects her husband and a mother who raises her children to know, love, and fear the Lord. The other houses represent a wife who has sought her own gain, having affairs with the world and all it has to offer (approval of man, worshiping her own body, money etc), and in the process has raised her children to see this world as much more appealing than the god she claims to know. This picture came to my mind after I watched several women (over the course of a couple years) get caught up in "Christian work" or in their careers and, even though it seemed they were doing everything right on the outside (one homeschooling, another with kids in Christian school, all in church every Sunday), internally there was serious damage and disconnect ending in broken families. God, although represented by name, no longer dwelt in their houses. And their houses became dark. When the Lord "looks down" at families He has joined together for HIS glory in these last days, I pray He will find light shining through every window of my house.

Proverbs 14:1 says "A wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands." And how do we get wisdom to build this house of ours??? Fear the Lord!!! (Job 28:28 and Psalm 111:10) Although I see many of us, myself included, run straight for the "How to Mommy" books or even great sermons (which are not bad in themselves..but a poor substitute). I'm not sure I have quite grasped the concept of fearing the Lord...especially coupled with trying to understand His "daddy-like" love. But thankfully He invites me to pray for understanding and the Holy Spirit "helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words" (Rom 8:26). I have such limited experience as a wife and mom...I'll be the first to admit that...but what I DO have is the Word of God which doesn't disappoint and gives me hope that even through my sinful flesh God can use me to honor Him with my life... (even if I never sew my children's' clothes or run a marathon ;)

So, tying all this together, I can learn SO much from other moms. I want to continue learning new ideas on how to be a good steward of our money, my children's (and husband's) health, my time etc... God HAS given me gifts and abilities and I want to use them to bless others. However, I think the other night I was feeling like THAT was the main thing. How silly...and yet how real and all-consuming at the time. And I felt the Lord used that to remind me that if at the end of the day all I've done is DEPEND ON HIM--to talk gently to Ari when she is disobedient, or to forgive Sandeep quickly after he has (in my opinion) wronged me, or to pray against that critical, judgmental thought I had toward a friend, or to watch the things I put in my mouth (or the words that come out ;), or to seek rest in Him when I'm alone and scared at night--THAT'S ENOUGH!!! I've pleased my Heavenly Father and demonstrated Him to my family. That's enough....

...and of course, if I find time in there to work on my garden or make green smoothies for my family (and take "professional" pictures of it, of course ;) awesome!!! I'll have moments of self-doubt or hopelessness in the future...but because God uses all these things for my good, hopefully I'll be stronger to resist the urge to compare myself with others next time I'm tempted. One of the verses I want to not only memorize this year but want to also "conquer" you might say... is Galatians 5:24, 25.

"Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit. Let us not become boastful, challenging one another, envying one another".

hahahahaha I'm sure you'll be reading more about this verse in a future post...at some point.  ;)

...and a special note to all the crazy amazing moms out there who took the time to read this...I really do get inspired and pushed by you--so keep the creativity (and pictures) coming!! thanks!!!

For those, like me, who are wishing they didn't drink so much eggnog over Christmas.... :/

As many of you know I've battled my weight for, well, as long as I can remember and today is no exception. As I'm working to lose baby/holiday weight (can I still use Caleb as an excuse to be overweight??), this phrase I heard recently has become my new mantra:
                         
                                      "If you ain't mov'n, you ain't los'n"

Its catchy, but its also been a good reminder that I don't have to go for a long run every day in order to get "exercise". As long as I'm moving and burning calories, I'm losing weight. At the end of the day, its about burning more calories than you take in (and that obviously requires sensible eating as well). For me "mov'n" means doing jumping jacks while I microwave something, or shadowboxing while I'm waiting for Ari on the toilet, or "forgetting" something upstairs so I'm forced to make two trips ;) As a mom of two young kids (who don't like to sit in the stroller), with a husband who travels, I've had to get creative. Parking far from a building to get those extra steps, running instead of walking up the stairs, singing "Father Abraham" five times in a row (with the actions, of course), or doing simple floor exercises while watching TV...all these things add up and will help the numbers on the scale go down!!

Since this phrase, for some odd reason,  has motivated me lately I thought I'd share it! And so, Ladies and Gents, again I remind you (and myself)....if you ain't MOV'N you ain't LOS'N!!!!!

...and as a side note, my parents--who are committed to exercise and healthy living--have been trying to tell me this for years, but you know how it is, sometimes it has to come from an 'outside source' ;)

Quick Recap of 2011

I realize I haven't been very good about posting pics and updating my Facebook, so I thought I'd give a quick recap of this past year as its been quite eventful.

The year started off in a whirlwind when we bought our home in February. It was quite a fixer-upper and even though I was six months preggo with an 18 month old in tow, I tackled the cosmetic side of things with as much excitement as a six year old on Christmas morning!! It was a blast and looking back I'm sort of amazed at the freedom Deep gave me to make big decisions (within the budget, of course ;) and the patience Ari had as I worked with contractors etc... Now our house is a home and I love love love having people visit (hint hint!!)

  

Above is a picture of our living room and below we did some work to the cabinets and lighting.

        (there were many more rooms we fixed up but I don't have before and afters)

In May we welcomed Caleb Wilkerson into our family and like a lot of second-borns, he is so easy and mild-mannered. I think he may have been smiling when he came out of the womb and hasn't stopped smiling since. As Ari is naturally riding the temperamental waves common to two year olds, Caleb has been steady, resilient, patient, calm, and oh so snuggly. Everyone "warned" me that having kids 20 months apart would be so difficult, but by God's grace having Caleb has actually made difficult moments sweeter. I praise the Lord for knowing us better than we know ourselves and never giving us more than we can handle.

Deep and I celebrated our four-year wedding anniversary in August. I'm trying to think if we did anything.... All I know is, our marriage has become sweeter and more fulfilling with each passing year.

The depth of Deep's love for me has been proven most in the way he helps with the kids. I mean, he adores our children and does everything from changing the stinkiest of diapers to making bottles in the middle of the night to watching both kids for several hours while I shop or get my hair done! I think the coolest thing I've really seen this year in particular is how God has knit us closer to each other through ministry. As we are growing closer to HIM, He is using us as a team to help and bless others. I love my partner!

Ariana Lilu turned two in September and has matured as a big sister and my little shadow. As Deep has had to travel a lot for work this year, Ari and I have developed an even closer bond. She joins me in my morning ablutions and after breakfast we love to turn on Pandora and dance to her favorite songs (have to get my workout in somehow ;). She insists on wearing her "shades" and red and black polkadot heels just about everywhere we go.


Yes, she whines once in a while, and she pats her brother a little too hard on the head sometimes, but for the most part she is very compliant and resilient. I can take her anywhere and trust she will behave (especially when she can play with my phone)--how wonderful to finally be at this stage with her!!!


She and I have such a precious connection and understanding--and she is TWO. So even when she flirts with disobedience and sometimes gets disciplined, I always sense in her remorse and a desire to have our loving, playful connection restored.

I can get her to do almost anything with the promise of sesame street and though she loves to color and read books, technology has caught her fancy. She knows how to use the iPad better than me. 


And something that brings me much joy is watching the bond she and her daddy have over music (listening to it and playing it on the piano) and their own secret made-up words. I love having Ari Lee in my life!

 

And finally, this past year our "Bible study group" grew to see itself more as a church. Elders were appointed to lead this small group of people to be a representation of the Body of Christ. We have a church name and website...so I think that makes us official ;) But over the past year, as we've watched people come and go, we have seen the hand of God at work. He has brought together 20 to 25 people who are about as different as they come, yet who are gripped with the truths of the New Covenant and want to be one working together under the 'head' Jesus Christ. The Lord has given me a love for the women in our church that is hard to describe, but a love I know comes only from Him. I'm so thankful for the fellowship and encouragement I'm able to get week after week as we are all seeking the Holy Spirit for power to overcome sin and to love one another. So many people don't have this kind of true fellowship with other Christians and I just want to be intentional never to take it for granted. 

Okay...that is a quick overview of the important stuff anyway. And my kids are crying...tootles ;)

Decided to Jump on the "Blogger-Mom" Bandwagon... ;)

Well we have started a new year and I figure its about time I started blogging. I mean, isn't that what every stay-at-home mom is supposed to do?? ;) I haven't read too many blogs, but the few that I have read have inspired me and given me food for thought.

I think its a great idea to write down the things that spark my interest, to have a written record of the way the Lord shows Himself to me through the everyday stuff, and most importantly to track the special, though seemingly insignificant at the time, happenings of my children. It's these things I know I will forget if I don't write them down.

So why a public blog instead of a personal online journal (this is a question that has kept me from blogging thus far)? Well first of all, there are several people who I don't communicate with often but have asked me to keep them updated on the whereabouts of our family. Also, I've been learning that it is good to share the things the Lord is teaching me and ways He is bringing me life so as to potentially encourage someone out there :) And finally, setting up a public (well semi-public) blog gives me some accountability. Every year I resolve to journal consistently and take LOTS of pictures of my family, and yet at the end of each year there are so many activities, experiences, and even vacations that go un-documented...for lack of a better word. Sad day! So perhaps if I know others are waiting to hear my "thoughts" or see updated pictures of my kids, I'll be more motivated to post!

Looking forward to this year and all it will hold for me and my family. Hope you enjoy this little peek into our lives!