Hawaii!!! ...back in, uh, April 2012

Oh my...what to say? March?....that was my last blog post. Sorry guys...I have had some 'note worthy' things to post, but just haven't made the time to write them out. Maybe my new goal will be a post a quarter ;) We'll see if that happens. 

That said, I'd like to take some time while I'm feeling motivated (and guilty) to write a couple of posts about some of the adventures/everyday stuff we've experienced since, well, last March. Ahem... 

In April we got to go on a little vacation to a place I'd never been--Hawaii! Don't ask me what island we were on...I still don't know ;) I just know it was beautiful. I especially enjoyed this trip because it was purely for pleasure--no work or ministry for Deep. Which means I got my husband all to myself...sort of ;)

Caleb was the perfect age to chill. He wasn't walking at this point so the floaty and the bottle were all he needed. 

Ari is not a real excitable child, but there was no question she loved the ocean. When we'd be in the pool she'd beg us to go back to the ocean. The waves, the sand, the sense of control she had in the shallow water... it was precious watching her in her element. 

We ate some great food.... outdoors! 

But as you can imagine, my one year old son didn't appreciate 'fine dining' and felt everything on the table should be on the floor...with a loud bang :/ 

Thankfully we were with my brother's family who also had small kids! Yep, we were "that table" ;)

They played together, waited patiently for ice-cream together, and even slept together!

Overall we had a relaxing time. Thankful the Lord allowed us a little 'break' from the everyday and enough miles to pay for it all ;) Here is how 99% of our attempts at family pictures turn out... I usually only post that 1%... but those get boring!

The things you learn from weeds...

Earlier this morning, after Cubby went down for his first nap, I laced up my tennis shoes, grabbed my gardening gloves and shovel, and marched outside with determination. Those weeds that have been taunting me for weeks are going down...or, being pulled up, rather! I have a hill covered in wild flowers and interspersed throughout are these tall, brightly colored weeds. As I went to work I quickly realized these weeds are rooted. Big time. Like deeper roots than the ground cover. I wanted to cry...so annoying. I grabbed the huge shovel to dig out the roots--and unfortunately pulled some plants up in the process.  And as I went along I found myself taking note of the tall, deeply rooted flowers that held their ground and weren't so entangled in the weeds like other flowers. After a couple of hours I felt I had covered the hill pretty thoroughly and had buckets of pulled weeds. But when I stepped back to observe my yard, discouragement came over me--everything looked about the same. I mean, I knew all the work I'd done, but when I looked at other spaces in the yard I saw more weeds and overhanging branches and rocks where there shouldn't be and bark dust where rocks should be... 

(Neverending yard work---> overwhelmed)

But, battling my fleshly desire to have a pity party was a quiet, loving voice whispering words of truth throughout this seemingly insignificant, mundane chore. This morning I learned a couple of important and timely spiritual lessons...

~Many of the weeds had flowers making them very attractive, and they were deeply rooted in the soil. The spiritual lesson? I've noticed that there are many people in and out of the church who are attractive and know the Bible well. They seem like picture perfect Christians or perhaps great leaders or even people I just really 'click with', yet they are weeds. And sometimes only the master gardener Jesus Christ knows who the real weeds are. When He comes to the garden to "pull the weeds" out of true churches, I want to be firmly rooted in the soil and not attached to a weed--like so many of the flowers I pulled up in my garden. I'll admit that I've found myself lately starting to see people's opinion of me as more important than God's. Its dangerous stuff--but I was reminded that if I'm reading God's word to me, fighting the hidden sins in my life, and talking to Him throughout the day--all forcing my roots further into the ground-- I trust He will help me to stay firmly planted in Him as various "weeds" (and even other flowers) come and go in my life. It will sometimes be painful but in the end I will be a much stronger, livelier...uh... flower ;) 

~And if the last paragraph sounded judgmental, He taught me something about that too ;)  When I stood back to observe my hard work and didn't see much of a change, the Lord reminded me of what my attitude should be to fellow Christians. I've been caught (by the Spirit) thinking "why is that person STILL struggling with that sin" or "this person has claimed Christianity for so many years and yet doesn't seem to be growing". Usually in those moments I'm reminded to focus on my own sin issues, but this morning the Spirit graciously reminded me that He IS doing a lot of work in other Christian's lives. He is pulling a lot of weeds and working the soil--all stuff that may be hard to see from the "surface", but legit stuff that is pushing their roots deeper into the soil (just like I see Him doing with me). 

So, as I stood on my hill amidst my less that perfect yard, I realized I had two sort of contrasting ways I need to view others in the church. I need to hold my relationships with other Christians loosely, using discernment, and always checking whether or not I'm seeking their approval over God's. At the same time, I need to be less judgmental and more prayerful with everyone--trusting that HE is doing work beneath the surface...

...and after today I'm well aware that pulling "weeds" takes awhile!! I pray the Lord gives me grace to obey  these things He has shown me.

Good day....thank you!

Man, there is nothing like a birthday to make ya feel special...set apart...my "Laura-ness" emphasized. In a season of my life where my identity tends to be tied to motherhood, good or bad, the love and attention of friends and family who know me--pre-kids--and appreciate me for ME just really means a lot. So thank you for acknowledging my birthday everyone! I have a renewed desire to share my appreciation for others on their birthday because it means so much to me on my special day!

We woke up to birds chirping, sun shining, and the distant sound of a lawn mower. LOVE IT!!! I opened all the windows upstairs to let the fresh breeze blow throughout the house. Ahhhh.... I made yummy cranberry, walnut pancakes and Indian tea, and then the four of us went out to "play" in the backyard. Believe it or not, the one thing I wanted to do on my birthday was clean up the backyard. While Deep worked on sweeping the pool, I pulled weeds, planted flowers, trimmed bushes, and soaked up as much sun as I could!! It was so fun to watch Ari frolic around, her little curls bouncing whenever she moved... hahaha my little "helper". And Cubby...poor little guy...can't walk yet and crawls around like a mad-man in search of something...anything...And when he finds it it's promptly pulled from his grubby little hands (or mouth if I'm not fast enough) which frustrates him to no end (and needless to say I was more than happy to put him down for his morning nap). Overall productive--always feels good!!

During the kids' afternoon naps my sweet brother came to the house and Deep took me out for a coffee date. We found a renowned bakery so I could get the German chocolate cake I'd been craving, and we took it to one of my favorite coffee shops and people watched. It was so fun to get dressed up and have a sweet little date with my hubs--not worrying if Cabe was putting something in his mouth. I felt pretty, carefree, special...and as funny as it sounds, young (that might be because this is the first birthday in three years I have not either been pregnant or breastfeeding). We then grabbed burgers and fries and headed home to spend the rest of the evening together, the four of us, in our jammies, max'n and relax'n.

As I think back...the special things Deep did for me throughout the day, the many texts, videos, phone calls, and Facebook messages I received from friends/family, my bro's kindness, and Ari's little voice calling out periodically "Hoppy birday mommy" just puts the biggest smile on my face right now. Good day!...and good night!

Our Little Overnight Getaway...with the kids ;)

Toward the end of last week Deep took a couple days off work and we took the kids to the beach. While Ari has a love/hate relationship with the waves, she talks about them non-stop and all of her toys in all her scenarios go to the "beach and the ocean".

This is before his mouth hit the sand...

 

A beach 45 minutes from our house
...new favorite "playground"

After our day at the beach and nap time/coffee date in the car, we went to a quaint little barbecue joint that was about as 'country' as they come, but served up some incredible ribs, pulled pork, and potato salad (and root beer in a bottle...my favorite ;)

  

By the way...this was probably the only moment Caleb sat still the entire meal.  He ended up, of course,  crawling on the floor so I could take a bite of my barbecue... (and no, as gross as it was, he didn't die)

  We stayed in a hotel that night (and just fyi, my children DO NOT sleep well away from home...why we did it??...not really sure.... :/ ) The next morning we found a fun, local coffee shop and had a delicious piece of raspberry coffee cake and triple shot lattes--that got me goin' ;) We ventured over to the Monterey Aquarium and had a blast...seriously! Cabe was content and cooing as long as he could crawl, and Ari was captivated by all the loud, obnoxious kids...probably even more than the fish. I learned a lot about ordering fish in a way that is good for the environment and our health, and felt an overwhelming curiosity and appreciation for things I know so little about--like that world...under the sea :) It was a great experience.

Thankfully at this point Cubby was happily nestled in his stroller keeping warm!

 At one point we went outside to get some fresh air and let Ari run around. We snagged her every once in a while and tried to capture a pic with her...Deep got the best one!

Finally, before we headed back we had the most creamy, hearty bread bowl of clam chowder. Sorry... didn't last long enough for pictures. Perfect way to end an almost perfect day ;) 

Overall smooth, playful, honest time with my family. Lots of driving which gave me and Deep some undistracted time to talk. I'm thankful for these little outings and a job that allows my hubs to get away like this. But its funny, with kids, "adventures" are taxing and so while I anticipate them with excitement, I find the 'during' and 'finale' to be a bit stressful/messy at times (for instance, I didn't think we would ever get sand out of our...everything!). So while I appreciate these getaways, I am also reminded (as I sit here in my pjs while my kids play together with their toys) how much I enjoy being home...comfortable, in control of my family's environment/food etc..., and in a routine. 

I really love my pjs :)

This post is dedicated to newish moms-the crazy amazing moms...and the rest of us ;)

The other day I clicked on a friend's blog and then on one of her friend's blogs and found myself spending an hour reading moms talking about the clothes they made for their children, or the cloth diapers/wipes they just purchased for their newborn, or ridding their house of all plastic, or raising their children on a vegan diet from their GARDEN... oh and of course their children just "love" anything green and homemade sugar-free, whole wheat, flax....cookies!!! Stay-at-home mom after stay-at-home mom was productive, creative, energetic, environmentally conscious, and of course running marathons...and you know, they'll mention that they have hard days, but post after post focussed on anything but hard days. It was like these women were from a fairy tale....a magical dream world for moms where they never get stressed out and their kids love to chase butterflies in their homemade sun dresses and bare feet in the beautiful flower gardens they've cultivated. And the pictures on these blogs don't help. On top of everything else these moms are professional photographers and so everything that, in my world, is mundane...like cooked rice... suddenly becomes so gourmet...like something you'd see in a magazine.

As I slowly closed my computer and looked at my daughter drinking juice watching Sesame Street, my son guzzling formula from his plastic bottle wearing his disposible diapers, and realizing I had no plans for a Vegan meal that night, suddenly a feeling of dismay overwhelmed me. I'M A HORRIBLE MOM!!!

Now, let me just say that I have NOTHING against moms who do all of the above. Quite the contrary... I wish I could BE those moms. I have so much respect and admiration for moms who are environmentally and economically savvy...who feed their children the very best the supermarket (or their garden) can offer. My close friend is one such mother! But man, comparing myself to all these moms just really made me feel like a failure--and I know we're not supposed to compare ourselves to others but MAN its hard not to!!! I mean what am I even doing with my time??? I feel busy, but for goodness-sakes...I certainly haven't "produced" a new dress for Ari to wear at the end of my busy day--unless I buy it from Target ;) So as you can imagine, overwhelming emotions spiraled downward pretty quickly. Ari asked for more juice and I said a little more impatiently than normal "no". Cabe started crying and I stuck a bottle in his mouth instead of rocking him, and Deep brought me to tears with the innocent question "what's for dinner?" And by the end of the night I felt worse about the way I treated my family then about Caleb's disposable diapers.

....uuuuuuhhhhhh....

The Lord is so good, though, in coming to me in those moments when I just feel so down about myself. During times of self-pity or self-loathing--whichever emotion comes first-- He is faithful to remind me of my worth that comes from Him. When I think about my "purpose" or what I want to have accomplished at the end of my life, a picture often comes back to my mind. The picture is of a house all lit-up (kind of like the houses you see in Thomas Kinkade paintings) surrounded by many dark, life-less houses.  The brightly lit home represents a wife who loves, supports, and respects her husband and a mother who raises her children to know, love, and fear the Lord. The other houses represent a wife who has sought her own gain, having affairs with the world and all it has to offer (approval of man, worshiping her own body, money etc), and in the process has raised her children to see this world as much more appealing than the god she claims to know. This picture came to my mind after I watched several women (over the course of a couple years) get caught up in "Christian work" or in their careers and, even though it seemed they were doing everything right on the outside (one homeschooling, another with kids in Christian school, all in church every Sunday), internally there was serious damage and disconnect ending in broken families. God, although represented by name, no longer dwelt in their houses. And their houses became dark. When the Lord "looks down" at families He has joined together for HIS glory in these last days, I pray He will find light shining through every window of my house.

Proverbs 14:1 says "A wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands." And how do we get wisdom to build this house of ours??? Fear the Lord!!! (Job 28:28 and Psalm 111:10) Although I see many of us, myself included, run straight for the "How to Mommy" books or even great sermons (which are not bad in themselves..but a poor substitute). I'm not sure I have quite grasped the concept of fearing the Lord...especially coupled with trying to understand His "daddy-like" love. But thankfully He invites me to pray for understanding and the Holy Spirit "helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words" (Rom 8:26). I have such limited experience as a wife and mom...I'll be the first to admit that...but what I DO have is the Word of God which doesn't disappoint and gives me hope that even through my sinful flesh God can use me to honor Him with my life... (even if I never sew my children's' clothes or run a marathon ;)

So, tying all this together, I can learn SO much from other moms. I want to continue learning new ideas on how to be a good steward of our money, my children's (and husband's) health, my time etc... God HAS given me gifts and abilities and I want to use them to bless others. However, I think the other night I was feeling like THAT was the main thing. How silly...and yet how real and all-consuming at the time. And I felt the Lord used that to remind me that if at the end of the day all I've done is DEPEND ON HIM--to talk gently to Ari when she is disobedient, or to forgive Sandeep quickly after he has (in my opinion) wronged me, or to pray against that critical, judgmental thought I had toward a friend, or to watch the things I put in my mouth (or the words that come out ;), or to seek rest in Him when I'm alone and scared at night--THAT'S ENOUGH!!! I've pleased my Heavenly Father and demonstrated Him to my family. That's enough....

...and of course, if I find time in there to work on my garden or make green smoothies for my family (and take "professional" pictures of it, of course ;) awesome!!! I'll have moments of self-doubt or hopelessness in the future...but because God uses all these things for my good, hopefully I'll be stronger to resist the urge to compare myself with others next time I'm tempted. One of the verses I want to not only memorize this year but want to also "conquer" you might say... is Galatians 5:24, 25.

"Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit. Let us not become boastful, challenging one another, envying one another".

hahahahaha I'm sure you'll be reading more about this verse in a future post...at some point.  ;)

...and a special note to all the crazy amazing moms out there who took the time to read this...I really do get inspired and pushed by you--so keep the creativity (and pictures) coming!! thanks!!!

For those, like me, who are wishing they didn't drink so much eggnog over Christmas.... :/

As many of you know I've battled my weight for, well, as long as I can remember and today is no exception. As I'm working to lose baby/holiday weight (can I still use Caleb as an excuse to be overweight??), this phrase I heard recently has become my new mantra:
                         
                                      "If you ain't mov'n, you ain't los'n"

Its catchy, but its also been a good reminder that I don't have to go for a long run every day in order to get "exercise". As long as I'm moving and burning calories, I'm losing weight. At the end of the day, its about burning more calories than you take in (and that obviously requires sensible eating as well). For me "mov'n" means doing jumping jacks while I microwave something, or shadowboxing while I'm waiting for Ari on the toilet, or "forgetting" something upstairs so I'm forced to make two trips ;) As a mom of two young kids (who don't like to sit in the stroller), with a husband who travels, I've had to get creative. Parking far from a building to get those extra steps, running instead of walking up the stairs, singing "Father Abraham" five times in a row (with the actions, of course), or doing simple floor exercises while watching TV...all these things add up and will help the numbers on the scale go down!!

Since this phrase, for some odd reason,  has motivated me lately I thought I'd share it! And so, Ladies and Gents, again I remind you (and myself)....if you ain't MOV'N you ain't LOS'N!!!!!

...and as a side note, my parents--who are committed to exercise and healthy living--have been trying to tell me this for years, but you know how it is, sometimes it has to come from an 'outside source' ;)

Quick Recap of 2011

I realize I haven't been very good about posting pics and updating my Facebook, so I thought I'd give a quick recap of this past year as its been quite eventful.

The year started off in a whirlwind when we bought our home in February. It was quite a fixer-upper and even though I was six months preggo with an 18 month old in tow, I tackled the cosmetic side of things with as much excitement as a six year old on Christmas morning!! It was a blast and looking back I'm sort of amazed at the freedom Deep gave me to make big decisions (within the budget, of course ;) and the patience Ari had as I worked with contractors etc... Now our house is a home and I love love love having people visit (hint hint!!)

  

Above is a picture of our living room and below we did some work to the cabinets and lighting.

        (there were many more rooms we fixed up but I don't have before and afters)

In May we welcomed Caleb Wilkerson into our family and like a lot of second-borns, he is so easy and mild-mannered. I think he may have been smiling when he came out of the womb and hasn't stopped smiling since. As Ari is naturally riding the temperamental waves common to two year olds, Caleb has been steady, resilient, patient, calm, and oh so snuggly. Everyone "warned" me that having kids 20 months apart would be so difficult, but by God's grace having Caleb has actually made difficult moments sweeter. I praise the Lord for knowing us better than we know ourselves and never giving us more than we can handle.

Deep and I celebrated our four-year wedding anniversary in August. I'm trying to think if we did anything.... All I know is, our marriage has become sweeter and more fulfilling with each passing year.

The depth of Deep's love for me has been proven most in the way he helps with the kids. I mean, he adores our children and does everything from changing the stinkiest of diapers to making bottles in the middle of the night to watching both kids for several hours while I shop or get my hair done! I think the coolest thing I've really seen this year in particular is how God has knit us closer to each other through ministry. As we are growing closer to HIM, He is using us as a team to help and bless others. I love my partner!

Ariana Lilu turned two in September and has matured as a big sister and my little shadow. As Deep has had to travel a lot for work this year, Ari and I have developed an even closer bond. She joins me in my morning ablutions and after breakfast we love to turn on Pandora and dance to her favorite songs (have to get my workout in somehow ;). She insists on wearing her "shades" and red and black polkadot heels just about everywhere we go.


Yes, she whines once in a while, and she pats her brother a little too hard on the head sometimes, but for the most part she is very compliant and resilient. I can take her anywhere and trust she will behave (especially when she can play with my phone)--how wonderful to finally be at this stage with her!!!


She and I have such a precious connection and understanding--and she is TWO. So even when she flirts with disobedience and sometimes gets disciplined, I always sense in her remorse and a desire to have our loving, playful connection restored.

I can get her to do almost anything with the promise of sesame street and though she loves to color and read books, technology has caught her fancy. She knows how to use the iPad better than me. 


And something that brings me much joy is watching the bond she and her daddy have over music (listening to it and playing it on the piano) and their own secret made-up words. I love having Ari Lee in my life!

 

And finally, this past year our "Bible study group" grew to see itself more as a church. Elders were appointed to lead this small group of people to be a representation of the Body of Christ. We have a church name and website...so I think that makes us official ;) But over the past year, as we've watched people come and go, we have seen the hand of God at work. He has brought together 20 to 25 people who are about as different as they come, yet who are gripped with the truths of the New Covenant and want to be one working together under the 'head' Jesus Christ. The Lord has given me a love for the women in our church that is hard to describe, but a love I know comes only from Him. I'm so thankful for the fellowship and encouragement I'm able to get week after week as we are all seeking the Holy Spirit for power to overcome sin and to love one another. So many people don't have this kind of true fellowship with other Christians and I just want to be intentional never to take it for granted. 

Okay...that is a quick overview of the important stuff anyway. And my kids are crying...tootles ;)